Machine Die

Shit is WEIRD

Humanity has lost authenticity

Life is detached from truth

Reality is orchestrated fiction

WTF Orwell!! They should have never gave you WORDS!!!

It is extraordinarily hard for me to find where I fit in this era

I can't maintain a constant and steady stream of positivity

I can't fake it till I make it

This fiction we're living is taxing my Spirit

I need to find a way back to solid life-giving ground

This machine is self-destructing

We will all feel its demise

Patience is a Virtue I DON'T Possess

Why am I so impatient?

I know growing up my mother was

Always super impatient and anxious

So perhaps I learned it from her?

My father was also very impatient

And angry about things not getting

"Done fast enough"

So maybe I got it from him?

Impatience is a horrible burden:

A relentless thought process;

A parasite in my head;

An ache in my body;

A 200lbs weight on my chest;

A restraining jacket;

I
Want
Patience

Reaching out AKA Selling out

As I start my YouTube channel I’ve realized I have A LOT to learn

A good part of learning curve is technical but there’s

Also a TON of emotional and psychological learning

I quickly found out that if I’m making videos,

I’ll have to reach out to people to view them

Keyword: Reach out aka (In my head) “selling out”

I’m still working through the feelings but

For now I remind myself that

“I have to get over it because there’s a goal I’m aiming to reach”

Sigh

Check out my channel please! 

https://www.youtube.com/c/manriquegabystyle

YouTube Channel: ManriqueGabyStyle

New hobby in town!

Finally I have found something

Else to do with my life

Besides work, eat, sleep

I'm creating styling videos on the tube

I did this years ago with two people

And posted them here

Check them out:

Style Session - With My Prima (Cousin)

Style Session - With my one of my Bestie's

And now the new format is hurr for you to watch

Woohoo!

Subscribe, Like, & Comment so I know you exist

Boredom Is As Boredom Does

Ah blah...

Boredom...

THE condition of my life

My friend says,
"Only clever people get bored"...

I don't find any comfort in that saying

-_-

I wrote a post back in 2014 about boredom:

"My boredom doesn't stem from inactivity,

Mother, No Other Like You

MOTHER

No other like you…

Fortunately

lol

Growing up my Mother,

Cooked everyday, drove us to and 

Back from school everyday,

And that was kind of it

She wasn’t involved in my

School activities,

She wasn’t involved in my

Personal life,

She wasn’t involved in

In any way really

Other than making sure

I had food and shelter, and

Bless her heart for that!

And…

So…

I grew up wishing

Life As I Know It

For some time now

I’ve known of the childhood

Behaviors I developed to

Tolerate living in the

Environment I grew up in

My life has been far from

Tragic but even the “perfect”

Childhood breeds dysfunction

For the past four years

I’ve been constantly going to

The Fk Happened Ten Years Ago

I was listening to Teal Swan

Whom I find really interesting

And her teachings very practical

And she said something along

The lines of 

“Let’s face it, we all end up

On the spiritual path because

We were suffering and wanted

To be happy. If we were happy already

We wouldn’t have ended up here”

A statement that I find

1000% (Yes, one thousand) true

I think people who end up

On the spiritual path have

A moment in our life when we

“Break”

It’s like a moment when our

Stream of perception

Ten Year Anniversary

This year will be the

Ten year anniversary of

The beginning of my

Self-discovery Quest

Ten years of

Introspection,

Raw emotion,

Brutal honesty,

Painful discoveries,

Frightful confessions,

Disheartening endings to

Friendships and relationships,

To Be Important To You

Ever since I can remember
I've been a stickler for punctuality

Being on time for school was
Always a priority
And if my ride for school
Wasn't on time, I'd begin walking

The feeling of frustration when
I can't be on time or
Someone else isn't on time
Is overwhelming

I been trying to resolve
This neurotic pet-peeve of mine
FOR YEARS

Razor Energy, Razor Words

Someone asked me this morning

If I ever get mad? 

HA!

I don't get mad:

I get livid, resentful and

Poisonous all at once

My energy and words become razors;

The Sigh of Growth

One of my core values is

Growth

Growth above everything:

Society

Family

Companionship

Stability

Comfort

Modesty

Some of my greatest

Growth experiences

Have been

The most violent;

Getting Ready As Ritual

I thoroughly enjoy

“Getting ready”

It’s a form of ritual for me

I like everything about it


The shower:

The water and the smell of soap

The facial products:

The toner, lotion, foundation

The hairstyle:

Brushing, straightening, curling

The makeup:

Eyeshadow, lipstick, mascara

The outfit:

The shoes, dresses, tops, bottoms

The accessories:

The earrings, rings, necklace

And I particularly have a

Tremendous love for

Not Cute Enough

For the entire months of

April and May

I have preoccupied myself

With changing my “look”,

Which has mostly consisted of

Buying shit (Retail)

I’m very much aware of

The urge I feel to buy,

And that has lead me to

Take some serious timeout

And introspect

Why do I have the urge to buy?

The Weight-Loss Struggle

During lunch I was struck

By the sight of two

Seemingly happy

Young adult women

What caught my attention

Was the size of their body,

Which displayed an

Over-enthusiasm for all things

Cop a Feel... For How You Feel

Learning to pay attention

To how I feel has been

A life long goal

Learning how to know what I feel

And then resolve my feeling

Is an even greater ongoing life goal

I've been more apt to throw
Out the proverbial

Turning A Hobby Into A Job

I begin a lot of little projects

They tend to be projects

That need ongoing attention

And maintenance

Like this blog

However, if I'm going to be

1000% honest with myself

As to why my projects don't turn

Makeup Can't Cover You Up

America loves makeup

I love makeup

It’s fun, interesting, and challenging

I don’t think makeup is a necessity

Nor do I feel naked without it

I also don’t think makeup

Is a form of covering or hiding

Insecurities

Makeup is used to conform to

You Can't Add Nor Subtract

For a long time I’ve been

Trying to fatten a list of reasons

Detailing why

I’m "good enough"

Last week,

I laid down to

Not Courageous, Just No Choice

A friend expressed

That she sees me as

Courageous

For the way I choose to

Live life

My only reply was

“Honestly, I feel like I don’t have a choice”

I didn't choose to value what I value